Memories of Twilight
by black.n.blu
Summary: What if Bella left the airport earlier? What if she didn't hesitate to head for the bathroom on the third floor? What if Edward had been too late?


Note- This was written long before New Moon was released, so it is devoid of spoilers or info from that book. This also means that some of it is inaccurate, so bear with me.

Alrighty, this is my first posted Twilight fanfic! Yay! I wrote it because I was wondering how Edward would react to Bella's letter should he have recieved it after her death. It's very depressing, (so have a happy fic ready to read after it) and has a hint of spirituality at the end. Enjoy, and please review! Anything you have to say is appreciated! I honestly don't care if you review two years after this was posted, I guarentee I'll still get it, and anything is helpful!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of em! I wish I did, but I don't. Oh, and there are quite a lot of quotes in here that I don't own as well, but were written by Stephenie Meyer; I think you'll know which ones they are.

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"_I still regret that I never got to taste…"_

I could hear soft, almost nonexistent footfalls approaching slowly from behind. Her hand goes to my shoulder. Lightning flashes, followed a moment later by the soft roll of thunder outside.

"_I don't mean to be offensive. You have a very nice smell. Floral, somehow…"_

"This isn't good for you," says Esme softly, her words vibrating in a soft hum; the type of speech too quick and low for a human to hear. I don't reply, just sit there, staring at the television screen. Esme sighs, giving up and walking away slowly. At least, slowly by our standards. It would have been rather quick for Bella…

"_Well, I suppose we should get on with it…_"

I hadn't been thinking about anything or anyone else since that day; since the day I found my beloved dead on the floor, the tracker standing before her. I'd killed him myself that day, and it'd taken the combined effort of Carlisle and Alice to restrain me from continuing to tear up his already sufficiently mangled remains.

"…_and tell them where to find you, and my little message…"_

I just couldn't get her image out of my head; the sight of her cold, still, and broken, surrounded by glass and blood. I'd been watching the video a lot after that, the one the tracker had left behind. (I couldn't bring myself to think 'James'; that monster deserved no name.) I watched, unable to stop myself, over and over, how he hurt her, tortured her, before finally killing the one who'd finally given my life, if you could call it life, some meaning. That's where I was to be found tonight, staring blankly at the screen for the hundredth time. I watched as the tracker circled her, then crouched, ready to spring. I watched her make a run for it, a last desperate act. My eyes were wide as I saw him dash in front of her, and I flinched as his foot struck her chest, sending her frail form flying into one of the mirrors.

My breathing grew rapid as she began to crawl away, and then it stopped altogether as I heard the crunch of bone and her scream of pain.

"_Would you like to rethink your last request?"_ I flinched again at her second scream. "_Wouldn't you rather have Edward try to find me?"_

"_No!"_ Her voice was dry and full of the agony that showed just as plainly on her face. "_No, Edward, don't-"_

My hand whips out as I reach for the remote. I've seen enough tonight. The scene freezes as I hit the pause button. I sit in silence, staring at her, at the look of fear in her eyes. But it was fear, I knew, that didn't come from her approaching death, though I saw that there as well, but fear for me.

"Why, Bella?" I whispered for the thousandth time. "Why did you have to do this to me?"

Of course I knew why. She'd explained it all in the letter she'd left me, the letter I almost didn't get at all. She'd left it with Alice to give to her mother, or so she'd said. I just happened to be there when her mother opened it, and so it was passed to me. I turned and pulled it out of the drawer in the desk beside me to examine it yet again.

"_I love you."_

I loved you too, Bella.

"_I am so sorry. He has my mom, and I have to try."_

Why didn't you tell me? I would have helped you…

"_I know it may not work"_

But it did work, and it's why I'm sitting here now.

"_I am so very, very sorry"_

No apology can make up for what you did to me Bella…

"_Don't be angry with Alice and Jasper. If I get away from them it will be a miracle."_

A miracle, or a nightmare?

"_Tell them thank you for me. Alice especially please."_

I should have been there. I wouldn't have let her get away.

"_And please, please don't come after him. That's what he wants, I think."_

I don't give a damn what he wants…

"_I can't bear it if anyone has to be hurt because of me, especially you."_

You've already hurt me more than you could ever imagine Bella.

"_Please, this is the only thing I can ask you now. For me."_

Why couldn't you have stopped worrying so much about me, and more about yourself? How could you let this happen?

"_I love you."_

I loved you too, Bella…

"_Forgive me."_

"I don't know if I can," I whispered. "You hurt me too much Bella. I told you not to let anything happen to yourself. Why did you take yourself away from me?"

I folded the letter again and shut it back in the drawer. Then I sighed and lay back on the couch, eyes closed, wishing that I could simply die right there, or at least sleep and escape the pain now associated with consciousness. I hadn't gone back to school, or even hunted in the last few weeks, but the pain of thirst was all but disintegrated in the pain of what I'd lost.

I should have been there, should have changed her, should have done _something_ to better protect her. A demon sent from my own personal hell to ruin me. That's what I'd thought of her the first day of school. Maybe I hadn't been so far from the mark, because she'd done just that. She'd ruined me by allowing herself to die, for allowing that…_thing_ to hurt her. And I missed her so much that every second was painful.

I opened my eyes and sat up, reaching to turn off the television. Then I stood and made my way out the door and around to the back of the house. It was raining hard, and I was soon soaked through. I moved to a small gravestone set in the ground.

**In memory of  
Bella Swan**

I fell to my knees before it, bowing my head and letting rain drip from my hair. Her body wasn't here. To my intense regret, we'd had to burn it with the dance studio, to hide evidence of what had really killed her. We staged a car crash later, sending her truck into a river. Both her parents forgave me for driving her away from Forks when they saw how honestly grief-stricken I was; Charlie willingly, Renee reluctantly, though I'd told them they shouldn't. It _was_ my fault after all, though they'd never know exactly why.

My shoulders shook with dry sobs, the sound lost in the roar of the storm and the clash of thunder and lightning that lit up the twilight. I lifted my head and let the rain flow down my face in place of the tears I couldn't produce.

Then I did something I hadn't done since my human life: I prayed. I prayed to whatever God was listening that He'd take care of my Bella, that whatever kind of heaven she was in was a hundred times better than what life on Earth had offered her. And then I prayed that, when I was eventually destroyed, I wouldn't go to hell, as was the popular belief concerning my kind. I prayed that I could instead join Bella, wherever she was, so that we could spend the rest of eternity together; the kind of eternity my Bella deserved.

And as I sat there, drenched, still praying, I could have sworn I heard her voice, whispering softly in my ear, "I love you, Edward." I looked up at the dark sky, rain still falling onto my face. It quickly became a drizzle, and then ceased altogether. The clouds shifted and the stars became suddenly visible. My skin began to shimmer softly as I was bathed in the sun's light, reflected by the full moon that had moved into view.

I smiled up at it, smiled for the first time since the day I lost her. I knew that she was with me, and knew that my prayers would be answered.

**THE END **

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PS: Alrighty, I'm just such a terrible author that I can't bear to take this out even though I know it's not true. (I'm not as strong as Stephenie!) I asked her if vampires sparkle in moonlight, because it really is just reflected sunlight, and she said no, it has to be more direct than that. So vampires don't sparkle in moonlight, but, as I said, I'm not as strong as Stephenie and I couldn't bring myself to take out such a beautiful image! Just so you all have correct information!

Oh, and please review!


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